The World’s Goriest Funeral

I believe myself to have watched one of the goriest funerals on 21st century earth. It started with me getting woken up and put on a motorbike (in my clothes). After a long drive, we wind up at an ethnic funeral, and after getting up the hill, we arrive in time to see pigs and buffalo being brought along, ready for throat-slitting (actually they only did 2 that day).

I begin to feel a touch ill. Mum informs me that they have killed a pig. I am invited for lunch. Later, I notice a pig freaking out and peeing itself. Then they start digging a hole for a massive bamboo stake. After they put in the stake, they bring in a large buffalo. Then they tie its leg to the stake. Then they slit its throat. I feel really sick.

I think, the family must be very rich to afford all this. They are. Buffalo are VERY valuable. Standard buffalo cost 6,398.62 US$. Blue eyed albino buffalo will get you a chaffeur-driven limousine. Anyways, thankfully I didn’t chuck up….

8 Responses to “The World’s Goriest Funeral”

  1. MummyT Says:

    I particularly like the use of the passive construction in your second sentence. No tedious “I woke up” for you…

  2. mish Says:

    This is an exceptional piece of descriptive writing – I feel that I have been an eye witness to the funeral myself.
    You did well not to chuck up though – my stomach is still lurching after reading about it!

    M xx

  3. Caroline Says:

    Brilliant writing. Serious gore. I’m just glad you had your clothes on and didn’t pee yourself.

  4. MummyT Says:

    For someone who professes to hate writing, you are really very good at it, darling.

  5. Helen Says:

    Nice piece of writing, even if the experiernce was not exactly fun. Did you eat the roast pork? Or are you off meat for the moment?

  6. fran Says:

    blimey! that turned my stomach! reminds me of when they killed a goat for us as a special treat in tanzania. we ate it and it tasted good but i felt so sorry for it being led to it’s death bleating…

  7. Granny Says:

    Wow – what an experience! I read this after mum’s blog and all the gory pictures but I got a really good picture from your description as well. I spent yesterday picking peas, beans and raspberries, and feeding chickens, ducks, turkeys, geese and pigs at Simon’s house – and myself, OF COURSE! And we ate one of last year’s ducks, some duck eggs, and some bacon from last year’s pigs, without having to watch the killing.
    Lots of love

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